Come on! You're blocking my sun!

The human has this annoying habit of interrupting me in the midst of a nap. And this time it really annoyed me! I finally annoyed Billy enough to move out of the way so I could have the primo spot in the sun and then just when I was about to give into the relaxing warming glow of the sun, I hear the human creeping up on me! Now the days are cold and short - I'm missing the sunny warm days of autumn when the human would open the door to the deck and we could lay in the light and hear the sounds of the outdoors through the screen. Not to worry - those days will come again quickly!

Any Chance You're on Your Way to the Kitchen?

Jackson is my little chow hound. If given half a chance, Jackson would eat non-stop. He constantly is 'worshipping' in front of the refrigerator. Every time I open it, there he is. Every time I open the cabinet where I keep the dishes, he's there. The way he carries on you think he had been deprived in his formative years. No such thing! He was one of a litter of kittens that were rescued from a feral colony and he spent his youth at Good Mews. There was always plenty of food. But he knows a sucker when he sees one! And that sucker would be me!

If I wait, they will come...

Okay, I don't know what I'm waiting on anymore than you do. The human was in one of her 'artistic' moods. She was out of the deck admiring her two foot high weeds in the back yard. I was watching her intently through the deck door. I watched her sweep the deck clear of a whole lot of leaves. If she was in the mood to listen to me, I could have told her that the leaves would be back in about three days. They were. Let's see what other futile activities she indulged in that day. I think my personal favorite was the swatting at the all the spider webs and the dancing around with the broom swatting at thin air to get the spiders off her. At least that day she was more interesting the chipmunk!

I am Alpha Male - Hear me Roar!

Actually the human claims it's more like a quiet bark. I don't hiss - too girly! That freaking "yard cat" as the human calls it, is hanging around a little too much for my comfort. I puff out my chest - well, it's really my tail but the chest sounds more like I mean it! I try to rally the troops (that would be Jackson) but that cat could care less - useless, I tell you, useless! The safety of our food dishes lies solely on my shoulders. Jackson seems to feel that we've got nothing to lose. After all, we turned down the chicken that fell on the floor - it was a little too spicy for our tastes and besides, the human didn't cut it up in small enough chunks for us. We may be guys but we're neat eaters! So what did the human do - she gave it to the "yard cat" (I can't bring myself to call her Abigail like the human does) who apparently loved it and wanted more - why else is the mangy thing hanging around our house? Oh, and she lies in front of the bird feeder so the chipmunk is in mortal fear! Grrrr!

She's gone and done it now!

The human has found a way around the four-cats-and-only-four-cats rule! She now has what she calls a yard cat! As you can tell, I am none too happy about this! She has now given this interloper a name - Abigail. She has no tail and she's a calico (and you know that every household should have one and only one calico and at the moment that place is occupied by Sybil - geeze, wait until she figures out what's going one!). To hear the human tell the story, this tail-less cat has been hanging around for a long time but what has finally made all the difference is that now the little thing let her pet it. Great, that means all those cooties germs are getting transferred to us. The yard cat lounges around our house just waiting until her food dish gets filled up. Jackson could give a rip but I keep telling him - just wait until the food starts to run a little low and the human cuts back on our rations. That caused his little eyes to get real big.

I have discovered how to really annoy the human!

Ah! the power! The human is on my bad side today. She was gone over night and when she comes strolling in today at 1:00 PM, I was more than a little ticked off! She smells like dogs and lots of other cats! I determined she must be punished. I bided my time until she opened up the basement door. Jackson and I come down the stairs with her. She grabs some bleach and goes back up the stairs to the kitchen. She came looking for me after about an hour (what took her so long is yet another reason I'm perturbed with her!). I was not just sitting around on my hunches while she busied herself cleaning litter boxes. I had found the perfect hiding place. I could hear the human looking for me. I could hear the panic creep into her voice (served her right is all I have to say about it!). After awhile, I took pity upon her and announced my position. I was up in the window in the basement behind the radon fan. There's plenty of space to stretch out on the ledge and I'm eye level with that freaking chipmunk.

Do you think the chipmunk knows we're here?

The human blew it for us! The dang camera sent the prey scampering away! If she doesn't watch out with that camera, I'll report her to the ASPCA. I'll tell them that she's feeding bird seed to chipmunks! Yeah, I bet that will bring them running to take care of the situation! She says she does it to provide us 'guys' with entertainment. I'm thinking maybe it's borderline torture for us because the chipmunk gets with two feet of us and if it weren't for that glass in front of us, he'd be toast. The human says she finds all our talk of bravado funny. She said we wouldn't know what to do if we found ourselves face to face with a 'wild' animal. Well, I beg to differ!

If I hold up my paw in front of my face, do you think she'll stop with the pictures?

Nope. No such luck. I think Billy may be onto something. Every time the human appears in the room with the camera, Billy just gets up and saunters over to her and rubs the camera. So in her frustration over not being able to get a picture of Billy, she turns the lens on me! In fact she was being sneaky today. I was sleeping peacefully in my chair when I heard a rustling on the back of my chair. I poked my head up and around and could see the human busy at work putting up the Sticky Paws tape (as if that deters us from using the chair to sharpen our claws!). I thought she was minding her own business, though a little delusional! So I settled back down. The next thing I know she's got a camera in my face as evidenced by the above. I tried to stop her but to no avail - oh, well, she won't catch me sleeping on the job again!

I don't know about you, but sometimes I just need a good stiff drink!

And you may be acquainted with the saying, you can take the cat out of the street but you can't take the street out of the cat. Y'all may not be acquainted with my humble beginnings before I went to Good Mews which is where the human found me. I was part of a feral cat colony in Alpharetta. Someone trapped my mother and my siblings along with me. My mother would have no part of the 'civilized' life so she was "fixed" and set loose while us kids were sent packing to Good Mews. I was one of the more shy ones but I am a mellow kind of guy, just like what the human had in mind for Billy's buddy. And so I was 'selected'. It's worked out pretty well but I have one of "those" days every once in a while - if you know what I mean. Between Billy and his bravo ways and the human and her fawning ways, some days I just have to belly up to the big ole bowl in the house and have a go at it!

This is the pose I try to strike just when the human pulls in the driveway...

It's usually good for an extra treat at night! She is convinced that I'm perched here just waiting for her to come home because I've missed her so much all day! Come on, people. We know I was sleeping 80% of the time and the other 20% I split among sharpening my claws on her furniture; peeing - I usually wait to take a dump when she gets home so it stinks up the house a little - I'm thoughtful like that!; splashing the water out of the water fountain while washing my face under the running water; annoying Sybil behind the door; or chasing that neighborhood interloper, the cat from across the street, as it annoys me to no end that something else is in my yard! The human's schedule is hard to determine so I usually start my perch around the dinner hour and so I sit looking forlorn and pathetic when she pulls into the driveway. She is so easy to placate!

Have you been looking for me?

According to one of my human's friends, she just can't get excited about all the updates on her cats. Obviously, her friend (and I use that term lightly) is not well informed. In fact, I would go as far as to say, that she is using that as an excuse as to why she can not be bothered to stay informed on her friend, my human. So the friend is always asking about why Janet, my human, doesn't stay in touch. All I have to say is, "Well dumb human, that's what this web site is for - to keep the casual friend updated on the human's life!" Geeze, people! We can not be expected to email everyone - and those that know Janet, know not to expect a whole lot of personalized emails, much less phone calls! PS - Note to the human - did I get it right - I know you've been rehearsing with me all you wanted me to say. Is it worthy of some chicken hot off the grill?

Who can sleep around here when she's got a camera in her hands?

Apparently, Billy is faking it - me (that would be me, Jackson) is obviously past the faking it! What y'all are not seeing is that this picture is just one in a series of snapshots she's taken. Who does she think she is - a fashion photographer, or something? That camera does not have the super advance option so it's like it's a good 20 or 30 seconds between shots. Oh, and then you may have to add a few more minutes because she realizes that she doesn't have the flash on or the aperture is set incorrectly (whatever that is, I don't think she knows either because she is basically camera-illiterate!). So we're well aware that she is stalking us with the camera. I almost wish she'd go and snap a few of the 'girls'. Once she said something about she's got to take a lot of pictures of us so we can have our own brag books - scrapbooking term for all of you who may be confused! And we all know her - those brag books will be a long time coming!

Who cares where the human went?

She's back and it's time to return to her principle mission in life - administer to my every whim and desire. She was trying to determine, the mile-high version of just where she went. Humans, they have this need to re-examine each and every step of a journey. She has made no progress getting the pictures up on the web, much less add any commentary to it. I'm telling you the truth - she may not be ready to come clean yet! We were all actually very glad to see her when she came back - you know I have abandonment issues! I know she told me I was stuck with her forever now, but she was gone for so long I was beginning to doubt her. But no more! However, I get a little antsy when I haven't seen her in several hours if I know she's in the house so I go looking for her. I'll stick my head in the door and grunt at her and then I'm back to whatever it was I was doing - eating, sleeping or reminding Jackson it is really all about me!

I thought I had gotten rid of this stupid contraption around my neck...

and yet it continues to appear again and again. I swear sometimes I'll be sound asleep with nothing on and then I'll wake up with this feeling of constriction around my neck. It's really weird. I know the human makes Billy wear one though he doesn't seem to mind tremendously. Thankfully mine doesn't make a ringing sound like his. That would be the straw that would push me over the edge! It seems to take a couple of hours, if I really work at it, to get this thing off. Then I spend another hour or so running through the house looking for someplace to hide it where the human won't find it. She always seem to find it. I did hear her say, "No worry, plenty more where that collar came from." Hmmm. Wonder what she means by that?

The human went shopping and brought me home presents ... empty bags!

At least, thank god, it wasn't some tee-shirt with some stupid saying... like "I'm With Stupid". That should be obvious to all. I just love a good room-y shopping bag. In fact, I couldn't wait until she pulled out the contents. Originally, I just climbed in with the pillow. But the human made me get out so she could look at her purchases. Selfish human! So I laid around on top of the bag for a while until the human was finished with her meddling. Billy is not as enamored of sacks as I am - I think he's a little claustiphobic.

Maybe if we put two heads together and sleep on it...

we'll come up with a plan to rule the world. Actually we'd settle for just ruling the roost, but don't tell the human. She thinks we are constantly plotting something! We like to think a little paranoia goes a long way in our house. She'll keep an eye on us if she thinks we're about to go tearing around the house and potentially breaking a lamp. Or the worst scenario of all... we will wait in line, one behind the other, while we sharpen our claws on her favorite furniture. We really like to torture her with that one!

Maybe if I ignore her she'll go away...

Nope, I don't think so, either! I'm thinking it just has the opposite effect on her! She takes even more annoying pictures. I'm feeling a little poorly this week. My little buddy Jackson has given me a cold. I've been enjoying watching him get a pill shoved down his throat but rumor has it, that's going to be me on Monday. The human is taking me to the doctor on Monday to have me checked out. She freaks out each and every time I sneeze. I hear her muttering something about her two SARS cats. She's threatening to wear a mask!

What? I'm just sunning myself in the window!

I can't help it if the table upon which I am sunning myself just so happens to be in front of the door to the two evil elder cats. I really was minding my own business and then wham! it hit me! That noise is the mean and evil Sybil. Judging from the volume of the vehement hissing going on on the other side of door, I am in all likelihood at eye level with the evil one. That way when the door just magically opens, I can leap through the air and knock her over. I mean I would never really do it (wink! wink!).

Must. try. to. stay. awake.

I must be ever vigilant. The human stalks me with the camera. As soon as I hear her coming (I don't even have to see her coming - I just know it) I cease and desist on doing anything remotely cute. She began to get discouraged. I was beginning to feel complacent. But now I see that she was only fooling me! She's back with a vengence! Here she caught me cuddling between the clothes fresh out of the dryer and the teddy bear from Planters Inn in Charleston, South Carolina, spreading my lovely white hairs over all I convey!

You would think with all this food in here, I could find something decent to eat!

But all the human's got in there is salad dressings (last count I came up with 11). Well, she does have some beer, a Chardonnay, some champagne, and a bunch of green leafy things. Nothing that much appeals to me! I think she keeps my treats in the pantry. But I am truly fascinated by this contraption. The human opens the door and cold air comes out. And there's lots of smells in there - some bad - I think the green leafy things are rotting!

Oh, my god... the smell - put your shoes back on!

As you can tell from my facial expression! I'm picking up the slack from Billy this week - Billy is no doubt off sleeping somewhere. You know the human calls him a youngster. Geez, he acts like an old man these days. Takes lots of naps. Every once in a while, we'll run throughout the house and play chase but a lot of the time I'm on my own. The human bought us yoga mats so we can stretch along side her. I still think she's big and tall so I'm usually out in front trying to stay away from her huge feet! This time I was sticking pretty close while she was stretching out after her at-home on-her-own weight training session. She was relaxing and obviously felt comfortable enough to take off her shoes! As you can tell from my facial expression that was some kind of smell coming off those feet that had been stuffed inside those socks! Whew! All I can say is I'm glad I don't wear shoes! I couldn't live with myself if I had four feet that could generate a smell like that!

There she goes again with the camera!

If the human captures one more picture of me up close and personal with Jackson, people are going to start talking! I mean, they might start to think I'm a little soft on the pip squeak or something. I'm on the side of the celebrities, the paparazzi take and picture and can insinuate a lot of things that your average reader would take as the honest to god truth. The truth of the matter is, every time I turn around, there's Jackson. He has to be in every little thing I do. He really is like a little brother!

Pinned - again. Jackson wins - again!

Of course I let the little schmuck win. I can be nice - or it could be that the human snapped a picture after I released him. His eyes make him look demented. He has Cesu eyes! The human will have to figure out a method to photograph the little schmuck if she insists on snapping pictures of us. It's nice to have someone around that I wrestle with and chase and just generally torment. And the best thing of all, it keeps on ticking! My human did pretty good with this Christmas present!

Well, he did need his ears cleaned!

I can't believe the human managed to grab a picture of me acting like Jackson's my buddy or something! That little weasel has managed to worm his way into my world and darn it, I like having a posse! Besides, he's smaller than me and I always win!

Go figure this out!

could tell the human needed help. And if there's one thing I'm always willing to do, it's help out the human. Apparently she likes to do something with a bunch of cardboard pieces. It should be obvious that she was getting no where without my help. So I jumped up in the middle of this really cool piece of felt that covered the whole table. For some reason the human took issue with this act of helpfulness. So I just laid down and rolled over on my back and threw my head back. It works every time with the human. She's such a pushover for my "aren't I precious" pose! Guys, if you don't have such a pose, you better get one! No telling how far you'll get! No need to thank me!

Ah! Sleep, blessed sleep!

That human has done it again. She has brought another creature into our midst (for this occasion, I am including myself in the same corner as Sybil and Cesu - gee, I bet that's a first). Somehow or another she has gotten it into her tiny little mind that I needed a "friend". So without consulting me, she brings home Jackson. In fact she made this decision with the help of strangers! She brought him back from some place called Good Mews... Man, I've got a bone to pick with them. Against my better judgment (okay, initial reaction) I've been a good boy. I tolerate Jackson. He is stuck to me like white on rice - which is pretty fun because he's a solid back cat. I think it's funny!